It is what it is.
I used to loathe this phrase. It sounds like a cop out. When you don’t feel like giving advice to a friend or are at a loss for words, “It is what it is” is the lazy default.
Urban Dictionary agrees:
-A phrase that seems to state the obvious but actually implies helplessness.
-Used often in the business world, this incredibly versatile phrase can be literally translated as “fuck it.”
-A trite, overused and infuriatingly meaningless cliche that is utilized by provincials who think they are adding some deep, meaningful insight during a discussion.
It’s almost as irritating as, “You gotta do what you gotta do.” When the shit hits the fan, these phrases crop up everywhere. When my marriage fell apart and I was adrift and turning to people for advice, I’d hear: “Well, you gotta do what you gotta do.”
“But what if I don’t know what I gotta do? That’s the whole reason we are having this conversation!”
Friend (shrug): “It is what it is.”
Right. Got it.
“It is what it is” is a phrase that Israelis employ often. Growing up, I heard it a lot – from my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and from my parents too. Maybe it’s because Israelis live in conflict and anticipation of the next “bad” thing that could happen tomorrow, so they are forced to accept “it,” that is, life, and its harsh realities. For them, “It is what it is” is not just a phrase, it is a philosophy. It supports accepting the state of affairs rather than hiding from them and living under pretense.
So it made me wonder if my ongoing issue with this phrase has been rooted in a deeper frustration. Perhaps what angered me was not the laziness or seeming meaninglessness of this phrase, but rather the realities of my own life; of a picture that had been forming before my eyes, when for so long I’d held onto a different one. Perhaps it is the makeup of my life today – the furnishings that occupy its space – be it abandoned dreams or the reassessment of my goals that I am stubbornly rallying against.
So I’ve started to look at things differently. When people say (or think): “Cougel, don’t you miss the life you had in LA, and your nice house?” “Do you want to be doing what you’re doing right now?”
Guess what my response to that is?
“It is what it is” is not cynical, nor is it defeatist. I no longer see it as a dismissal, as a shrug of the shoulders that says, “Ah fuck it. I can’t do anything about my situation so I’m not even going to try.” It’s exactly the opposite. It means that taking an honest look at what you have and accepting the cards that have been dealt to you frees you from illusion. And from there, you can start building again.
So I’ve started to take stock of the “its” in my life, and then I’m going to make some decisions from there.
Because you know, I gotta do what I gotta do.
Some how I feel that some of what you said implies to my situation so I gotta to do what I gotta to do. I will try just like you. We all need that advise “Lehashlim im ma sheyesh” and continue from there. One of your followers
I think “What are ya gonna do?” is worse.
great post O
It is what it is and I gotta do what I gotta do – it’s more than a phrase – it’s plainly the truth. Thanks for this one – it reminds me of thinking about it more often.
This video changed my perception of that particular phrase:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLFYx6xlhB0
Now, when I feel worried or upset about something, I just think: “This is it. F* it. It is what it is.” And oddly, things start to feel okay! Remember…there’s no troubling the past as to how you got here. 😉
C’mon Laura — while I’m glad you got something out of it, he’s about the worst, sappiest, parody-of-himself motivational speaker I’ve ever seen!
Why would you ask people to curse in their mantra? Wouldn’t “let go” suffice? And wouldn’t “let go” have more power than “fuck it” which can be defeatist?
That said, I do use “it is what it is” often. Because sometimes, it just is.
I used to have a neighbor, a holocaust survivor, who used a similar phrase “what can you do?” I take it to mean, they are not trying to tell you what to do, it’s up to you, and also, not to worry too much about things as they have a way of working out.
I like it. Is about facing the facts of your life, not wishing for something that cant exist.
Ali — because it was supposed to be funny? And not serious at all? (Guess not.)
🙂
Laura, it was ridiculously hilarious. Never seen it before and got a good laugh. Thx for sharing it!