If a Cougar stops dating young cubs, is she still a Cougar?
My break up with my cub was due to several differences between us, age and life stage being the biggest. So I’ve since sworn to try to date guys over 35. On my online dating profile, under “age range looking for,” I deliberately wrote “35-51.” This doesn’t mean that if I meet a guy younger (or older) that I wouldn’t be open, but I figured I had to re-start somewhere.
The thing is, it hasn’t stopped the cubs from migrating in my direction or even pursuing me. It’s bizarre. It makes me wonder, is being a “Cougar” in the eyes of the beholder? If I’m not cub hunting – let alone even looking anymore – but the cubs are hunting me, does that mean that I’m a Cougar by default, regardless of intent?
I met a guy a few weeks ago through friends who is 26 (or “26 and 3/4’s,” he explained, as kids do). But he seems much older. He’s sophisticated, wise, and accomplished. When he told friends of mine that he’s looking for an older woman, 35-38, preferably Jewish, they sent me urgent texts: “Cougel! He’s not only a cub, he’s a Jewish cub. A Cougel’s prime target! Get your ass over to this bar right now and meet him!” So I did. My friends were right. The dude is awesome. We totally hit it off.
And yet I’m reluctant to take it further. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been recently burned by the age thing and still healing, or if I’ve wisely learned from my experience and know that practically speaking, it’s unlikely the relationship could go anywhere.
This guy doesn’t care though. He doesn’t seem put off by my reluctance. He doesn’t care how old I am. In fact, he likes it.
It made me stop and think. Is there something intangible about me that attracts younger men? Or, is there something about younger men that attracts me, despite my decision not to go there?
As I mulled this question over, a chat box popped up on the online dating site I’ve joined (not J-date, but the free one, which is proving to be good for laughs rather than romance). It was from “BoyToy123,” description: straight, single, 24 years old. This was the third time he tried to engage me so I decided to respond and set him straight, like so:
BOYTOY123: Do you like younger men?
ME: No kiddin.
BOYTOY123: …just go out a few times.. see where it goes…
good question. maybe youre hot and the single guys are under 30?
just because the cubs want you doesn’t mean you need to want them. listen to your instincts.
if you really want a long term relationship, wait for a man your age or older. the older woman younger man dynamic does not work long term.
@anonymous: do u know that from experience? a friend of mines been in a relationship like that for twelve yrs. she’s 55 now!
I am also rarely approached by a man over 28, okay that’s a lie, it’s more like 26. I am not sure what to do about it and have often wondered why. Is it my penchant for staying out late, laughing, dancing, and seeking new adventures?
(Oy gevalt is mear, is all that comes to mind.) My cub was cute, eager and enthusiastic at first, but then again so was I. The hunger has started to fade and his eyes now wander past me… to my full subzero!?! Maybe that is it? Are they drawn, perhaps unknowingly, to the prospect of clean high count thread sheets, and a well stocked bar? It could very well be, coupled with the unapologetic sex that only comes with age.
This week I did meet 4 women who are married to men 13 years younger than they are. Not that I am suggesting re-marriage to anyone, young or old! lol. Even stranger, I was politely ‘told’ by an age appropriate stranger at a party, that he was “going to take me out for a drink soon.” Talk about unapologetic – I may be going out with someone my own age(maybe a year older than me) soon. If so, it would be the first time I went out with someone older than me since 1996. And did I mention he is not Jewish? Jesus, Mary & Joseph,now that would be an adventure!
If you like the guy and he likes you, go out with him. Is it possible you’ll get hurt. Yes. But that possibility exists if you date a 45-year-old as well. So go ahead, take a chance!
My mom married a younger man before the word cougar existed, and she certainly was not looking for a young cub! They’ve been married for 21 years, so it definitely CAN work!
So nice to see you in real life! I’ll link to your blog – link to mine, okay?
Boink’em and forget’em. They are resillient.