Mom’s Top Twelve

I’ve been meaning to bring Mom (Ema, in Hebrew) back to the blog, since it’s been a while, and what better day to do so than Mother’s Day? In no particular order, here are my favorite Ema-isms from the last year. If you don’t speak Ema (a language consisting of misspellings, malapropisms, and of course, love), bear with me.
Cougel: It’s looking like I’m close to getting this new job!
Mom: I am holding my fingers for you. 
Cougel: I got the job!
Mom:  You must be inside the seventh cloud.
Re: new Christian boyfriend…
Mom: How is it going?
Cougel: Good, we communicate about everything.
Mom: If you talk about everything, have you talked about him converting?
Cougel: My friend is going through a hard time and she’s staying at my apartment.
Mom: Just remember the saying, no good deed goes unfinished.
Cougel: What did you think of my essay?
Mom: I loved it. So hard warming.
Emails from Ema:
Subject: CANNED TUNA!
Just read in consumer report, of studies that showed that mercury is very high. in tuna .[we know that] . . you should not eat or give to your children more that 1 serving a week.  [ children should have 3 oz ]. i am shocked. sub. canned salmon fr. Alaska.  Love, Ema
To daughters (re: The Holocaust): … the other cuntries did nothing!
To daughters (re: Passover): Just came from Shoprite in Pars. they have all the dry goods out for pesach. bought most of the stuff. I don’t have to sclapp to Livingston. Meat and others, i will buy when i get back fr. Israel.
Cougel: Sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been working hard.
Ema: You must be exhausted from seeing clints.

To Cougel (re: a funny joke): I am laughing so hard. Ha cha cha.

To friends: My famous daughter’s essay was published in HUFFINGTON POST PUBLISHER!
To Cougel: I brought your horoscope in heb. fr. israel. amazing so much to the point. Call me if u want me to translate.
To Cougel: Did you hear about the 8.9 earth quake in Japan? a big one so scary. nature is not in our control.
For those of you who are new to my blog, I’m bringing back one of my very first posts, “Mom wants to read the blog (without knowing what Cougar means).”

Email # 1:
NU GET ME YOUR BLOG. EMA

Email #2:
Send me instructions how to get in ? ema

From Cougel, to Mom:
its http://www.cougel.blogspot.com/
MOM DONT BE SENSITIVE! THERE’S STUFF ABOUT YOU AND DAD THAT”S CUTE but EXAGERATED FOR DRAMATIC EFFECT

From Cougel (giving mom proper context):
by the way, a “cougar” is a popular term in pop culture now for women over 40, attractive, independent, who go after younger men… it started derogatory but now its not.. it’s like demi moore.

MOM FINALLY READS IT
From Mom:
its cute.
i like it.
can i go on it and add more?
 

From Cougel to Mom:
Ur so cute! U can comment. At bottom of each story there should be, in gray, “comments” and a box will open for u to write whatever u want. What do u want to add?

From Mom:
I have to think about it. The world reads them ???
Did you eat dinner ?

15 replies
  1. Laura Maylene
    Laura Maylene says:

    Oh my god these are gold. GOLD. I am going to start saying “Ha cha cha” immediately. And the “If you talk about everything, have you talked about him converting?” line proves that she is one smart lady who knows exactly what she’s doing. Ha cha cha!

    Reply
  2. Cougel
    Cougel says:

    A sequel to the post: My Ema is amazing. She not only laughed so hard reading this post, but she forwarded it to all her friends, and emailed me: You forgot one! ALCOHOL RUINS YOUR LIVER!

    Reply
  3. Elana
    Elana says:

    Absolutely hysterical! I can hear your Israeli Ema speaking these comments eventhough I’ve never met her or you:).

    Reply
  4. ruthie
    ruthie says:

    I relate so much. My mother born Jewish raised in Mexico..I said words my whole life thinking they were correct like inmature when you acted much younger than your age or never getting the name Ellen, she alwsys needed the H to make Helen or could not get Danny, had to be Donny. And these were people I spoke often of…special moms!

    Reply

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