The Cougel's back (with a whole new flavor)

What better time is there to restart my blog – and share the changes in my life – than the Jewish New Year? Aka the high holy days, the days of awe?


A lot’s happened in the years since I blogged regularly as a single, Jewish Cougar. Serendipitous timing and a confluence of events that have built upon one another and brought me here, to this moment on the day after Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement and Reflection. And so, I reflect back (with some awe).

I used to attribute the notable events in my life to random chance or coincidence, but not anymore. Based on how things have unfolded in the last year, I believe that a force way bigger than me is pulling the strings – or at the very least, giving me a nudge, a slap, and sometimes even a smile. But you tell me.

Let’s start with the month of September as a retrospective marker. My husband and I celebrated our one-year anniversary, twice: on a weekend trip to the Mexican Riviera at the same resort we went to on our honeymoon, and the following weekend, on our “real” anniversary, we watched the footage from our wedding which we had not yet seen, cuddled adorably on the couch while sipping champagne. As my new husband rested his cheek on my shoulder, I was overcome with a wave of emotion and gratitude, one of an endless series that you’d think I’d get used to by now.

When I say “new” husband, to those of you who are just catching up on Cougel, my husband is not only new because we’ve only been married a year, and only known each other for three, but also because I have been married before – for fourteen years – my ex-husband sometimes referred to as my “old” husband. So even though I’m 42, everything feels new and fresh, the gratitude wave that overtakes me sharply cold and reinvigorating, and surprising each time.

The month of September also marks a turning point in my writing life. Several months ago, I finished the first draft of a memoir. I haven’t been that public about it yet, because well, it’s a divorce memoir, which I started writing exactly one year ago – on my honeymoon. The timing might seem absurd in its irony, but that only serves to reinforce my point; events that seem incongruent in their timing are almost always – at least to me – the opposite. And then I learned that I couldn’t submit my completed memoir to agents and publishers because they don’t read it like they would fiction. I needed to write a proposal, a business plan that sells me and my book in less than fifty pages, and to build my “platform” (which includes tweeting and yes, lots of blogging).

So I begrudgingly and agonizingly wrote the damn thing. I loathe outlines. It zaps the creative juice out of writing by removing the thrill of discovery. When I finished my clunky first draft – on the Friday before my anniversary – I sent it to an editor I had hired who could help make it submission ready. She told me she would get back to me in 2-3 weeks. But she didn’t. She got back to me in two days – on the morning of my anniversary. She told me that she meant to only take a peek at it, but ended up “devouring the whole thing in one sitting, laughing throughout.” She told me I had something saleable and funny and full of heart (and other compliments but my shameless self-promotion stops there).

In this same week, my husband had gotten a call for a final interview at a job that he had been striving towards for months, and things were looking promising.

In this same week, we also put the final brick on top of the family planning foundation we have been building in the last year. Each individual brick had been daunting and frightening in it’s size and heft, but looking back, had been put into place at just the right time – as if God knew what we needed better than we did – bringing us to this moment where one year into our marriage, we are finally ready to turn our make-a-family plan into a reality.

Which leads me to Rosh Hashana morning. For years, I’ve always gone to New Jersey to be with my parents on the holidays and attend their synagogue, but this year, I wanted to start planting seeds here in New York City and find a Jewish community for my husband and myself. Not to mention that since I’ve been frequently going to Church with him, I needed to balance out the faith-scale (and report back to Mom that her daughter had a found a place to be with her people).

A friend recommended a conservative synagogue on the upper west side, and I took my husband there, not knowing what to expect. When we arrived, my husband went to the bathroom and I peered into the massive stain-glassed sanctuary, where the Rabbi had just begun to speak. “Today’s Torah portion,” he said. “Is about childbirth and fertility.” [Cue emo-wave number 5,850).

The message was immediately clear. It was as if God was giving me a little squeeze, reassuring me that I am on the right path, and to keep going, and keep building.

So as I keep building, I’m going to keep blogging, as… (fade up on the theme music)…the Cougel Returns, or: “What happens after a divorced Jewish Cougar marries a Christian?”

Stay tuned til’ next Sunday evening. (And don’t worry, Mom’s back too, with a new and improved addition of Momlish.)

7 replies
  1. badsit
    badsit says:

    It’s all you.

    Religion has some interesting side effects. I used to believe that there had to be something else, but wasn’t so sure about intervention. Most religions teach that you are NOT the most powerful force in the universe, but there is something more powerful than you will ever be. It’s a great way to teach humility.

    However, most of the very same religions teach that God is IN everything. So we have to reconcile the two seemingly opposed viewpoints and conclude that if God is everywhere, including inside yourself, than you are a part of God and thus have a great deal of power unto yourself.

    Plus, science has proven without a doubt that without the presence of a biological, conscious observer, matter does not hold together or even act as we expect it to. It goes completely random and wacky until it is observed again by a conscious being, then it straightens out and flies right. In other words, you, me, all of us – create the universe that surrounds us. We give it reality. Period. (It’s the Matrix. Only in reverse.)

    But even if you throw all that existentialist stuff aside, I can’t help but think of the phrase when somebody tells me I got lucky, “No, I make my own luck.”

    For you, after being married for 14 years and the soul searching (and soul-mate searching) afterwards, I firmly believe that everything you’ve seen happen of late is the result of being your own “life expert”.

    Hell, nobody ever sees the decade of toiling in obscurity that precedes a breakout musical group labeled an “overnight success”. You have toiled. And now its all falling into place because of that hard emotional work.

  2. Kelly Flint
    Kelly Flint says:

    I love this. The adventure continues and the spiritual path ignites! Of course focusing on all the wonderful kismet and miraculous little coincidences of your new life will only bring more of them, so I can’t wait to see what unfolds…..

  3. YLB
    YLB says:

    I’m so thrilled to have Cougel back! I’ve missed her heartfelt, poignant, hilarious, deep blogs on every topic under the sun. Her uncanny insight into the human psyche and inner workings of the heart strike a chord with men and women in their 20s 30s 40s and 50s

  4. Steph
    Steph says:

    So excited for the amazing things that God has planned for you, and so happy I get to read all about it regularly again. I have missed your blogs!


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