The real reason behind my writer's blog-block.
Sunday. Just the thought of that word evokes feelings of long brunches, calling mom, and snuggling up on the couch to watch bad TV. For me, it’s blog day. If I haven’t written a blog by Sunday, or haven’t come up with a topic for one, I don’t panic, but I do feel an urgency to get something posted. As most bloggers will say, does anyone really notice? Do they even care? But I do.
So here I am, at 8:30 on a Sunday night, with nothing to say. I was about to post a column I wrote last month – from my back blog of ideas – for times like these. But it didn’t feel right. It felt dishonest. It occurred to me that it’s not that I don’t have anything to say, but that I’m actually not quite sure how to say it, or if I’m ready to.
I met someone. Five weeks ago. I’ve mentioned him briefly in my last few posts, unsure if the relationship was going to develop further, and I figured I’d cross the blog bridge when I got to it. And now I have.
As I suspected, meeting him changed my outlook. I went to South Beach over the holidays. When I booked that trip, I was single, post break up, and intent on living it up and potentially meeting someone. http://bit.ly/h3tBfz But after meeting this guy, my agenda changed. I thought we wouldn’t talk while I was away, but we ended up speaking every day, and by the time I got back to NY, we had fallen into a groove. We’ve spent almost every night together since I’ve been back.
So am I in a relationship now? It looks that way. Since I was married for so long, and have only had one significant relationship since (where we were friends first), this kind of progression is new to me. I’ve never actually been with someone whom I went on a date with, then five, then started to lose count, as the relationship organically deepened in a mature and romantic way.
Is he a cub? Well, he’s 9 years younger than me, so technically you could say he is. But when I am with him, I forget. He is wiser, more confident, and manlier than some men in their 40s and 50s. I’ll reserve that topic for a later and more in depth post, but for now, yes, you could say that after my public declaration that I will no longer date younger guys, here I am, doing it again. Do I feel bad about it? Not at all. Not yet anyway.
Is he, or rather is it my surprise (and joy) that I am suddenly in a relationship, the reason I was stuck today and unsure what to write about? Probably.
Although I write this blog under a pseudonym, many of you who read it know me and are my friends, so this is new territory for me and my blog. I haven’t yet figured out whether I can continue to write about my romantic life, when there is actually someone I care about in it. It’s not the same thing as blogging about a blind date gone bad, or even an ex. This guy knows about my blog, and at my behest, respectfully does not read it. He doesn’t want our dating to stop me from writing honestly, and he said he doesn’t mind if I write about him, as long as I don’t use his name. But the question is, do I want to expose myself, or taint the delicate stage we are in, of a new blossoming relationship, by putting it out there?
And lastly, I wonder, does it change the focus of my blog altogether, if I’m no longer single?
So I’m asking for advice from my readers. What do you think? Is it time to bring other benign topics back (like Mom, for example), or since the guy is saying he doesn’t care, should I just go for it?
I actually think this is where the blog becomes even more interesting. Watching a relationship blossom, seeing what becomes of it, learning from its ups and downs. This is valuable information.
Oooh I don’t know…I think if you really like him, you shouldn’t write about it just yet. Or…write it but don’t print it til later? But that’s in regards to the relationship. Its true that the blog would only get even more interesting to read if its about a new, blossoming relationship, though… It just depends if you feel it will affect it in any way on your end!
I think you might have to see how you feel about it (and him) next sunday 🙂
I’m happy for you 🙂
I think you can still maintain a singles blog with talking about your past experiences and helping other singles.
You may start having to mine your friends’ lives for singles stories….
I write about my own family, and it is a tough line to draw. In fact, I got permission from my 10-year-old to write about a tough situation he’s going through, and I still haven’t written about it publicly, although I think it may help others.
But don’t stop writing. Especially if he’s not reading. My husband rarely reads my blog, and that’s sometimes disappointing, and sometimes freeing, and better for the relationship!
My suggestion to you is to keep your relationship off this blog. The guy I’m involved with said the same exact thing. He gave me carte blanche to write what I wanted. Then he read the comments. In the abstract it’s one thing. But when they see what people say, people who don’t know them and who are hearing a (let’s face it) very skeiwed perception of reality, it’s unnerving. I’m often surprised at the things this guy repeats back to me, as I honestly believed he didn’t read my blog regularly. Clearly he does. It makes me feel censored…but maybe that’s a good thing 🙂
As for his claim that he doesn’t read it, I think he’s a fool not to. In this day an age everybody should be concerned about their digital footprint. Even if he’s being discussed anonymously, the truth is, nobody online is truly anonymous. Between Facebook, Twitter, etc it’s way too easy to connect the dots. If you like this guy, protect him. Most of all, protect yourself. If you feel something comes up that adds value or will initiate a great discussion, get his permission to write about it, let him read it and then post it.
There’s plenty to write about even if your personal life is off the table. This is an opportunity for you to be different and stand out. Use the strong voice that you have and say something that generates a real discussion. My personal opinion is that dating blogs are very quickly becoming a commodity. It’s the same story told a bazillion different ways. Nobody needs to hear another story about a bad profile or crappy email they got from some guy who made sexual references. Nor do they want phony introspection. It’s all been done a dozen times over. You’ve managed to carve a niche for yourself. That’s how you can stand out. You can find so many things to discuss that don’t involve the now tired cliches.
Oh,….and while many guys will say they won’t read it, I wouldn’t rely on that to withstand the test of time. Eventually, even if it’s once or twice, they will read it. You need to decide how much of you you want to share.
hmmm if you are writing this blog for us, I agree with what Caramel posted. If you are writing it for you, then maybe taking a hiatus to give yourself and your new relationship some breathing room would b a good thing.
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If your last two posts are any indication – those were some of your deepest and my favorites as of yet – you’re wonderful and insightful when delving into other territory too… But whatever, don’t even question it. Just write. And we’ll read and be moved one way or the other 🙂
Why don’t you mix it up and write about everything? This is your blog after all, so there’s no reason it has to be strictly a dating blog. If you want to write about other stuff mixed in then I’d say go for it! And, if you want to write about your relationship as you see fit, then go for that too! You can decide how much you want to reveal and what feels appropriate.
If you are set on it remaining a dating blog, then I guess you could include some guest posts and write about your past experiences, but that will probably only take you so far… and your blog should be about you. It should evolve as you and your relationships do. Nothing wrong with that. 🙂
Good luck and I hope this relationship works out!!
This is a fun one to mentally grapple with, no? I’ve had my blog for a couple years and it’s survived a couple relationships and is enduring the one I’m currently in. My lady knows about my blog and has even contributed “awesome” to it. It’s funny because she’s kinda complaining about me when she does it, lol. She gives me full license to write what I want. I don’t really write about the current events of our relationship though, if I write about it at all. I’ll write about things a few weeks later, after things have simmered down and hopefully been resolved. I put a reminder to revisit the topic later.
Your guy may not read your blog, but it’s inevitable. Count on it.
I know too many bloggers who stop writing when they are no longer single; don’t be one of them. =) Keep at it. I find that relationships are much more challenging to write about… However, that’s probably because I’m mentally challenged. That’s what my mom says.
Good stuff, dear. =)
I find that relationships are much more challenging to write about…
I’ll say this. I recently had a guy write a guest post for my personal blog. In it he discussed aspects of our relationship. I didn’t like it. It made me feel way too vulnerable and exposed, oddly enough.
If the guy I was dating kept a dating blog, I’d be uncomfortable. Even if he said nothing objectively negative about us, it would make me feel very violated. I would also wonder why he feels a need to stay so closely attached to the single life and, by association, single women.
O, I am so happy to hear that you are happy!
I think you can still write even if in a relationship, because if you can post the truth, then you will find love.
You might just write about discovering the TRUTH and LOVE.
You can find the TRUTH without LOVE, but you can not find LOVE without the TRUTH 🙂
Why don’t you just do what feels right. Who gives a fuck what your readers think. 🙂
And congratulations!!!!!! <3
Just be happy.
Who cares ?
Think what your male cousins will say!
And laugh.
nudnick.