“You don't just get things” - Life Lessons From a Dog
Some of you may know about my annoying dog voice. No really, it’s squeaky and babyish and irritating,not to mention crass (more on this blog). But my dog doesn’t mind.
When she wants something (food, or…food), and starts salivating when she hears a bag crinkle or a can open, I tell her “Gemma, I don’t care about your feelings!” Which of course is the farthest thing from the truth. 
I interchange this sentiment with, “Gemma, you don’t just get things.”
It occurred to me the other day, on the heels of some disappointing news that this wisdom applies to more than just a dog begging for food. It applies to us humans. I see parents imparting this on their kids all the time, or at least trying to. Saying no to requests. Like my parents used to say to me when I wanted my fourth sleepover in a row, or a ride to the Rockaway Mall so I could get blue mascara or a second ear piercing (never happened).
“But why not?” I would bemoan.
“Because I said so,” my father would say. Or just, “Because.”
“Ok but give me a reason,” I would negotiate.
“I don’t have to give you reason.” Which would send me off to my room in a crying tizzy.
It only took me close to forty years (like a Jew in the desert who needs reeducating) of tough experiences, of random occurences and unexplainable events, to realize that most of the time, there is no reason.
Most of the time, we don’t just get things. We don’t just get everything we want.
It prompted me to ask myself, what is my “thing” – the main narrative of my life? The thing that I wanted most, that sticks out above all others? My learnings, my writings, have all been divorce and remarriage centric. My first marriage, which consumed my being for all of my twenties and most of my thirties, was my “thing” and when that was no longer, the balance was later righted by finding and getting the thing I wanted (and worked at) the most. My husband, my soul-mate.
But in the other areas of my life – be it my job, or my writing, or even the expected succession of life stages that many of my friends have (marriage in your early thirties, time to hang out, followed by kids) – things don’t always go my way. Or success proves elusive. Sometimes all the hard work I put in, the whining, the yearning and straining – or attempting to manipulate and negotiate events in my favor – doesn’t beget results.
And when that happens, it sucks. It hurts. The thrill and joy of attaining the thing we want most – has an equal and opposite shitty feeling. But maybe that’s the point. It cultivates a deep gratitude.
We don’t just get things – at least not all of them. Maybe we just get one of them – the most important one. And that’s enough. It’s plenty.
But Gemma? I lied. She totally gets everything she wants. All the time.
Yup. Exactly. We don’t always get exactly what we want. But love how even when you dont(at least not at the exact time you want it) you find the silver lining.
So true, thanks so much for commenting!
We may not get everything we want, but when we look at things just right, we realize we already have ‘most everything we need.
So true – I should go back and add that line in 🙂 Thank you, Melodye!
oh boy, oh boy, am I living this. Great post, Oritte. This is all so true, and yet so hard to keep in mind. (I also love that last line. Lucky Gemma!)
Ha! I tell her that too, “You don’t know how lucky you are…(insert expletive here)”.
Silver linings chafe like a bitch don’t they?
HAHA well said, Bob.
The Universe works in mysterious ways. Want vs. Need. Take that second hole in your head for instance, if you really needed it you would have it by now.
That is awesome, Barb! Thank you for commenting (and making me laugh).
Great post and great ending. Unlike the rest of us, Gemma should always get everything she wants. 😉
Yes she should 🙂 Thank you, Kelly!
I love this post, Oritte! Beautiful how you are able to cultivate gratitude during a tough time. And I adore this line: “It only took me close to forty years (like a Jew in the desert who needs reeducating) of tough experiences, of random occurences and unexplainable events, to realize that most of the time, there is no reason.”
Thank you, Michele!