Cougar versus Cougel

Some of my friends are taking issue with this blog. They don’t think I’m a Cougar. They say I’m too young, shy (ok, I made that up) and unpredatorial to qualify. I guess I’ve ruffled some feathers (damaged some fur?) because these women are approximately my age and have been laboring long hours for the anti-Cougar union.

The thing is, why have Cougars gotten a bad rap? What’s wrong with being over 35, knowing what you want, and being confident enough to go after it?

This is how Urban Dictionary defines the word (my thoughts in parentheses):

Urban Dictionary Definition #1:
Cougar: A woman in her sexual prime who prefers to hunt rather than be hunted (well, who wouldn’t?) A Cougar’s victims are usually under 25, as Cougars prefer to mate with men who still have hair (again, who wouldn’t?)

I take issue with the word “victims.” I’ll bet there are plenty of guys who would argue that by the age of 21-24 they are full grown, independent men who are able to take responsibility for their own actions (feel free to comment if you’re in this age group). Why should a hot twenty-four-year old who likes a strong older woman be victimized? Besides, aren’t his friends high-fiving him?

Urban Dictionary Definition #2:
Cougar: An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The Cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or milf. Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together.
“That Cougar I met last night, showed me shit I didn’t know existed, I’m goin back for more.”

See? These young guys like it! What’s the problem?

The truth is, when I started writing this blog, I didn’t really think through the definition of Cougar that clearly, or its image, or if I really am one. I’m over 35, I’ve dated two men significantly younger than me, and both relationships proved to be healthy, loving, and balanced.

So, I’m not necessarily arguing against my friend’s assertions. In a way, they’re right. I’m not a Cougar (according to Urban Dictionary anyway). I’m a Cougel*. And Cougels are a different breed altogether. First off, as history demonstrates, our people have always been the ones hunted. So evolutionarily speaking, our Jewish DNA prevents us from actually being hunters (and any attempt at it is fumbled awkwardly anyway). Secondly, if a Jewish woman who wants to have children is still single when she finds herself approaching forty, well it’s her duty to widen the playing field a little bit more than she did when she was 28.

Anyone is fair game.

*Alternate definition: A Cougel is a woman raised by nice Jewish parents and fed kugel with eggs for breakfast instead of bacon. At 35, she finds herself single. This is because she has failed to find the perfect Jewish man who could also please her in bed, while simultaneously ensuring that her parents would be able to sleep well in theirs.

(This posting is dedicated to my girlfriends who I love and respect and who I don’t believe are Cougars).

Jordanna Fraiberg says:

February 21, 2010 at 3:04 am

first, I think taking on the now standard (and generally negative) stereotype of the Cougar is fantastic. Who says a Cougar has to be some cheesy, drunk, inappropriate older woman who doesn’t have good judgement (or for that matter class) — which is often how she is portrayed in our culture.

There are so many women over the age of 35 who are smart, evolved and single, and similarly a number of men in their 20s who defy their own stereotype that they have to contend with — that of being emotionally immature.

By laying claim to a new breed of Cougar, “The Cougel,” you are doing justice to a neglected and often unfortunately stereotyped group of women, so carry on Cougel! I think it’s brilliant!