Mommunication: The way my mom communicates.
Mom left me a voicemail this morning and when I went to listen to it, I was with my co-workers, so I listened to the message like they would. Meaning, like people who don’t speak Hebrew. So the message sounded like this:
Chhchhh chhhh rrrrrrr chh rrr..em…rr chchchch chhh COSTCO chchchhchh cccchhhhhh CLIPPINGS….cchhhchchchch chchhchchchchchchcccccchh rrrrr cchchchcch (throat clear) cchhhhhh…lav you mees you, Ema (Thankfully she said it was her or else I wouldn’t know).
If you believe that I understood the message, you’d be wrong. It was staticky and I was on my way to the subway and it was no different than the messages I get every morning, which ask how I’m feeling, if my stomach hurts, while Mom’s en route to Costco.
I noticed that she delivers a different kind of message in the evening. Instead of signing off with “love you”, or even, “goodbye”, she says “Uch! go eat something!” And hangs up.
I wonder if I’m going to be the same with my kids (minus the phlegm).
Oh, you might’ve recognized the one other English word in the above string, “clippings.”
Clippings (news articles “clipped out” by Mom) are another form of Mommunication. Every few weeks, Mom brings me a stack of them cut out from the Jewish News, The Wall Street J, or The Morris County Jewish Something, that she believes are pertinent or helpful to me. Sometimes she will give them to my dad to mail, in which case there are post-it notes stuck on there, with the following written in urgency:”Send to cougel!!”
The articles fall into three categories (Health, Books, and Health), and Mom highlights the newsworthy bits with a yellow highlighter, like (newsflash!): “Did you know the sun causes cancer?” The book reviews are usually for books whose subjects are Israel or the Holocaust. Except when I’m single, in which case she’d include a review for books like, “How to Marry a Mensch.” At least she didn’t send me the review for “Goy Crazy.” Although that one I would have read (and the book too).
When I was young (and stupid), this stuff would annoy me. But now? It makes my day. Because it makes my day start with a surge of love, and whether she means to be funny or not, a huge laugh. And when I bother to stop laughing in order to listen, or read, I actually learn something.
It’s not a jewish thing…it’s a mom thing. They all do it and it’s all from PLANET MOM LOVE…..a planet filled the most frustrating duality – where hugs can both release and enslave, where a phone call can set off an all night binge or make you pour your drink out, where a letter can generate a sense of anticipation or terror. PLANET MOM LOVE. You’ll do it to your kids. We all will. Hahahahahaha.
shit.
My mom stopped sending me clippings sometime in the late 90s because I was rude and complained non-stop about them. Secretly, I miss em.
I think we all deserve a weekly “cougel clipping out” posting! Haha. That and a review of Goy Crazy!
Thanks Cougel!
I love your mom!