What does Saint Valentine's Day mean to Jew?
“Saint Valentine’s Day, commonly shortened to Valentine’s Day, is an annual commemoration held on February 14 celebrating love and affection between intimate companions. The day is named after one or more early Christian martyrs, Saint Valentine, and was established by Pope Gelasius I in 500 AD. It is traditionally a day on which lovers express their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending greeting cards (known as “valentines“).” [Wikepedia]
I have several hang ups about this definition, but the first thing that comes to mind is, do dudes actually think that flowers and chocolates gets them off the ‘show me the love’ hook?
And then there’s the “Saint” part, which means, “if you’re a Jew, this-saint your holiday.” When I was a teenager and beginning to obsess over boys, I attended a Jewish private school where I was forbidden to participate in lots of fun things (like holding a boy’s hand on school property), but being excluded from Valentine’s Day – a day of love – felt like a punishment.
But once I grew up, I knew better. I learned to see Valentine’s Day like Mother’s Day, for example, where every day should be about cherishing the people in your life that matter, and got over not celebrating it. It helped that I was married and my Jewish husband didn’t celebrate V-day either, although it did cross my mind that it was a convenient excuse not to bother with flowers and chocolates. So the day just came and went, where together we lifted our Jewish noses in the air and sniffed, “We don’t need Valentine’s Day anyway. We pronounced our love to each other under the chuppah when we got married. We’re done!” (Note: spell-check corrected “chuppah” to “chopped liver.”)
And when I later became single for the first time in my 30’s, Valentine’s Day didn’t come up at all – I would go out with my single friends on February 14th and not feel bad about it. And when my ex-cub and I dated on and off for two years, we somehow managed to break up between January and April, so I didn’t acknowledge the date then either.
But this February is unfolding differently, at least according to my horoscope (if I referenced the correct one) and the exciting changes in my life. Yes, there’s the new boyfriend, who while Christian, doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day for different reasons. We’ve only been dating for two or three months, so I don’t expect much, and wouldn’t really know what to “do” with it anyway. So we are going to stay in, and I will eat chocolate (which is no different than any other day).
But what I am trying to get to the heart of here, is love and gratitude. It may be a coincidence, but this month has proven to be full of both. My essay was published by Simon & Schuster in a beautiful anthology called “Live and Let Love,” in time for Valentine’s Day. It celebrates women who have triumphed over incredible hardships, and whose hearts bloomed as a result.
And, I fell in love (is declaring this on my blog a bigger deal than a Facebook status change?). And due to timing and keeping myself open, I landed a job I’m thrilled about.
Perhaps it was these events that changed my outlook, or perhaps I was headed that way anyway, but I noticed that suddenly I’m channeling positive feelings akin to love. When I meet new people, I don’t snub them (I hope), or experience apathy the way I used to. I make a point to respond to every email I get, be it from acquaintances or strangers (save the occasional weirdo), and try not to get irritated when people don’t do the same. I assume that people have good intentions, even when they don’t’ always act that way, because I figure they must be going through some shit I know nothing about.
I also realize that I’m moody, and that this feeling of love and gratitude is fragile and transient, so I’m going to celebrate it for as long as it fills me… which might just happen to include Valentine’s Day.
I love this post. So happy you are finding the love on
Saint Valentine’s Day as well as every other day.
We al deserve it, and remember that we’re never alone even if you’re single. You are a bright light Oritte, keep it shining.
xo
I think Valentine’s day can be whatever you want it to be, any day of the year.
hate to say it -but v-day was created by greedy marketers like myself…you should love every day, not just one day. but i am glad your hard edges are softening cougel by love…its a very good thing. x